Catching Breath
It seems like all of the little life streams that surround me are suddenly overflowing -- suddenly matured into real, raging rivers. One at a time, each river would be a joy. I'd splash and play and swim and jump in, arms flailing, from the highest rocks. But all of these rivers are converging and it's all I can do to keep my head above water.
A lot of times these life updates (which are more for me than you, though I'm glad you read them and help keep me sane with your words of comfort, offers of help, and reminders of happiness) are filled with positive bits. This one starts off on the down side, but worry not. It gets better. It always gets better.
"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." --Orson Welles
I'm juggling 2 jobs right now. Really, more, but two that really matter. Both of them are in turmoil. Not that I'm in a lot of jeopardy, but each job has some issues that they are dealing with that inevitably fall back on me. On top of that I'm trying to move. Which means buying a house. Which means selling or renting a house. Which means cleaning out a house. And that buying a house bit also means scraping together lots of money, keeping up with deadlines, and paying for an endless stream of random things. On top of that, there's the surgery I had. Everything's fine. I've recovered well, but there are still bit that have to be cared for. Medication, doctor's visits, bills, etc.
September is full. My parents are moving into a new house in the next few weeks. And I'm frantically cleaning out my house, throwing away stuff that has sat in boxes since before my ex and I first moved into this house, a life time and at least four versions of me ago. And the baby mama has some stuff of her own going on that causes some shuffling. I had wanted to take Celeste camping in upstate New York and spend some time with my mom. But, with the money crunch and the time crunch, that's not going to happen. I haven't even told her yet, because I know she'll be let down and that's so hard to handle. (Help: Let me know if you like organizing and throwing stuff away, or you like to chase kiddos around while I organize and throw stuff away.)
October is full, too. A meeting in California. Which means travel. And kiddo shuffling. And two conferences to attend. Which means more travel and more kiddo shuffling. If all goes well I'll be closing on the new house. And moving. And there's Halloween. I wanted to go to Myschievia this year, but there's just too much going on to make it happen. (Help: If you have some time to offer, packing, unpacking, lifting things, or even just keeping me company as I do these things, it's greatly appreciated.)
On top of all that, I'm tired, which isn't really something I'm used to experiencing. Staying indoors more often than usual due to the heat and the resulting cabin fever have played a role in this. Not being able to work out for several weeks as I recovered from surgery didn't help that either. And who knows what effects the medications are having. Then last Sunday I landed on my leg wrong while on a water slide with kiddo, making running impossible for a few days. Thankfully, that last part is almost back to normal. Normal enough that I'm going to try an hour's workout today. I'd like to get up to four times a week. It'd be good for me all around. I don't feel like I can be the father or the friend I should be when I feel like this. (Help: I could use a workout buddy. Someone to encourage and get me back on track.)
It's not all bad though. Not even close. My daughter is amazing. The light of my every day. Her smile and her warmth regularly remind me of the point of this whole "life" thing: to live. My jobs cover all of my bills and leave me with enough left over to have a little fun now and then. I have a beautiful, happy home. And, if we end up moving, we'll have an even better suited home closer to people we care about. I have great friends, and a loving family, and am so blessed to have met a few new people recently that I feel strong connection to and look forward to the friendship that will develop from that.
So, it's time for a tattoo. Because, you know, I'm already stressed enough about money and time that I should take out some more money and more time and put it toward something that could easily wait simply because it feels like it shouldn't. I've decided that I want "Dum vivimus, vivamus" (while we live, let us live) written on me. But, the words alone are not enough. So, I'm still scratching for ideas of an image to go with it. A strong symbol of what it means to live: adventure, family, love, and friends. (Help: IDEAS! Please!)
All told, my life is amazing and I'm living it to the fullest. Even if it is crazy right now.
