I laid down with Celeste around 10:30pm. We read a story. Then we talked about what the story meant and about our day. Then we both passed out. I have no idea why I'm up at 3am or why I can't get back to sleep. Usually, in this situation, I'd find a snack, turn on the TV, and just relax a bit. But, in response to a waist line that just wont quit (but, thankfully, at least isn't growing), I've opted to write intead. It's your lucky day.
Plums!
I love plums. Especially when they look like this.
And that's one of the best part about summer. Late, lazy evenings, the sun sinking slowly but undetermined, and ooodles of fruit dripping off the chins and elbows of children.
On the Road to Superman...
Last Tuesday I had another CT Scan, met with the Doctor performing the surgery again, and talked with the O.R. staff about what will happen the day of surgery. I feel even better about it. The doctor told me last time that less than 1 in 1000 people suffer blindness or brain fluid leak. I assumed brain fluid leak meant death. That is apparently not the case. This time, he told me that he's done over 2000 of these surgerys, never made anyone blind, and only had a brain fluid leak once, which was immediately fixed and the patient suffered almost no additional issues or recovery time because of it.
The whole thing will start Friday (8/5) morning at 6:30. My parents will be waiting there for me. I also found out that I'll probably have to spend the night in the hospital. Yuck. I'll bring a laptop and a couple of good books. Hopefully I'll sleep a lot, because I don't do well having to sit around and do nothing all day. Whenever they release me, I'll need to be under supervision for 24 hours after that. So I'll be staying at my moms and hopefully finding some slightly active things to do. So, unless there are complications, I should be home and in my own bed Sunday night.
Help: Just in case there are complications of some sort, anyone near me want to volunteer to feed my cats and fish once or twice? They'll be fine for the planned 3 days (assuming I can find a vacation feeder for the fish). But anything more than that and they'll need someone to check on them.
Finally, I also found out that my insurance is only covering 80% of this until my deductible is met. So, it looks like I'm out $3,000. Which punctures a bunch of other plans.
Vacation Planning...
Speaking of more exciting things I could be spending my money on, the original plan for vacation this year was for Celeste and I to head to upstate New York some time in September and camp for a week or so. Thankfully, that's a fairly inexpensive way to go as it is, so it might still happen. The weather should be beautiful. We'll be right on the lake. Celeste loves camping. We'll be 10 minutes from my family. And, as much as we love staying with my Grandmother, this'll give us a little more space to just be us and do the things we like. If you're in the area let me know so we can plan to see you and, even better, maybe you can plan to do a little camping with us.
Observations Made While Dating at 30...
There are two routes people seem to take when it comes to dating. One is to start "dating" at 15 or so. Find "the one" a few times by our 21st birthday. Get good and married by 25. That's what I did. That's what most people I know did. And, when we do it like that, "dating" is easy. There's college, and friends, and friends of friends. Jobs come and go. Life styles and beliefs and quirks are not fully set in stone. Everything is liquid.
If our first go round just didn't work out, or if we somehow managed to not get hitched and find ourselves at 30 and single, then we've taken the second route. It's rough. By the time we turn 30 though, our personalities and our quirks are more set in stone. Throw in any circumstances that might keep us from being on the prowl 24/7 (single parent, financial issues, bad location, lack of employability, medical conditions, etc), and it gets even more complicated.
I've been taking some time to myself to reflect on all of this. Since my marriage ended 2.5 years ago, I've been on lots of dates. And of those, I've only had a "relationship" with about five people. Prior to being married, and including my ex-wife, I generally remained friends with my exes. Really, it was the only thing that made sense to me. But of those five, there's only one that I have a solid friendship with. And only one that I'd really like to have a friendship with if we could figure out how to make that happen. There are two that I'd be happy to have a conversation with if we ended up in the same place and maybe it would go further than that, but probably not. And there is one that I might actually throw up if I saw. Or call CPS. Or the Police. Maybe all three.
People are like little minefields. Our experiences have us wired up a certain way. We trip over any of those wires, even innocently or accidentally, and we're blown to bits. Maybe her ex popped his gum like you do. Maybe his ex wore the same glasses you do.
Then we have all of these things balanced along the edges. Things easily run into and broken. A stack of fine glassware on a rickety table. Maybe she has body issues and she hates the lights on but she also has strong pride and refuses to ask you to turn them off. Maybe he is so used to being taken advantage of that if you don't offer a lot and right away then he just thinks you're not worth his time.
I try. I try so hard to clear my mines (or at least point them out in advance) and to not care about all that glass. I try to keep my mind free and my worries at bay. I try to start every new relationship with a fresh slate. And I'm really good at compartmentalizing in that way. And, even then, I still fail from time to time.
All of that being said, I've got some awesome friends with some fantastic advice. I'm learning to play "the game", which I hate, but I realize is required in order navigate this mess. I'm learning to take care of myself first. And, most importantly, I'm learning how to let things go.
Relocation efforts...
At this point, I'm convinced that location is everything. Anytime I go somewhere, I think about how much shorter the trip would have been if I lived somewhere else. As much as I love my house and my neighborhood, I'm leaning more and more toward just getting out of here, no matter what that takes, even if that means one more temporary step between now and something more permanent.
But I'm going through the trouble of making my place nice anyway. Most of my decorating efforts will transfer over, so I won't lose a lot there. And the cleaning efforts just make packing and moving that much easier. And the improvements I make on my house will make it easier to show and rent. And, until I do leave, it's a lot nicer to live here.
So that's going well. I moved Celeste's room upstairs. She loves it! We're doing some decorating in there today and she's very excited. It's next to my office which helps me spend time with her during work days when I want to. It keeps the downstairs cleaner and gives me less space to have to pick up daily. Plus, it opened up some space downstairs to make a nice little sitting area and buy a few more storage items to help control the stuff we want to keep but never really have a place for.
Meanwhile, I've got my brother-in-law scouring The Colony, South Western Frisco, North Western Plano (yeah right), Northern Carrollton, and South Eastern Lewisville for houses that meet my needs and price range. Assuming I can actually get qualified for a loan and find a renter for my place, this might really happen.
Or, you know, on the other side of the coin, there are at least 15 houses for sale in my neighborhood within a 5 minute walk of me. It's a great neighborhood, we're just suffering some growing pains (due to the mortgage crisis. these are just more ripples of that.). But the good news is that you can get these, basically new houses, for way less than I paid (and even less than what I owe). And the more people that are close to me, the less driving I need to do. Which means that staying here becomes a much better option. So if you're in a house and you're looking for something else, or you're in an apartment and want more space and/or privacy, you should consider buying/renting here.
Party Crazy...
I realize that I simply don't entertain people often enough. So I put an end to that by making a real attempt at throwing two "parties" a month: one with kids, and one without. Last week's adult party went off well. Good people. Fun games. Waaaay too much to drink. I'll probably do one or two more game centered parties before trying out something else just because it was so much fun.
It looks like the kid party sort of threw itself together and is happening in less than 12 hours, which is awesome.
Next Party: I'm looking at the weekend of 8/19 as the next adult party. And the weekend of 8/26 with children. So mark your calendars, drop me a line, and let me know if you have any ideas that we MUST incorporate this time.
Photos...
I take a ton. Most of them, these days, are of a more personal nature. And I guess I've always felt that they didn't deserve my time and didn't need to be shared. But I was wrong about that. So here are some photos I've taken recently that I love. I hope you do too.
